Dealing with tragedy...

Emotions, confusion, anger, sadness, total loss of balance... These may be some of the feelings that some of us feel during and/or after a tragedy. Yesterday, Sunday, September 11th, 2011 was the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that happened to the Twin Towers in New York. Many of you spent the better part of Sunday watching documentaries or news in regard to the memorial of 9/11. I did not, I did not want to do that. I knew that I could not handle it. I said a short prayer asking for forgiveness for not openly showing my sadness to the memory of 9/11. I was on Facebook and I saw almost all of my friends changing their profile pic with one that was dedicated to 9/11 and their status reflected their perception of the day. It made me feel guilty that I did not do the same, but I just could not bring myself to just do it... What is wrong with me? Could it be that I am that kind of person that emotionally feels what she does, writes or says? I think so, I do not remember, ever doing or saying things that I did not feel or believe. I guess I am not a fake or a follower; however I feel that I did wrong yesterday! Another thing happened this weekend: in my community, at the High School Football team, 4 young boys, age 15 to 16, they were going to be junior and senior this year, died a couple of weeks ago. On a Saturday, after one of their last practice, following tradition, they got in their cars to drive to a Old Country Buffet for a Breakfast/Lunch celebration before playing their first game.
While driving, one of the car, an SUV that was carrying 8 kids, 4 of which were not wearing seat belt, flipped over, 4 kids died. The High School called all parents, offering grieving counselors to speak with students that needed to grieve. A fund was started by parents to help with funeral expenses now and in the future. As I am very sorry and very much saddened by what happened, I am displeased by the biased way the school is handling the situation.... The past winter, one student took her own life, it was very sad, especially being so close to the Holidays, but also because of the age of the student. The principal allowed students to go to the funeral, however the school did not allow kids to grieve openly about the suicide of this young girl. counselors were not allowed to talk about this tragedy... why? Now about 9 months later, a tragedy occurs, it is not a suicide, the boys are in the football team and everything is done... why this disparaging treatment?
I believe that all students should be treated equally, whether they belong to a sport team, band, cheerleaders, color guard, choir, play and any other club the school offers. So, on Friday the school was offering a BBQ tailgate party before the football game that was played at home. At first I thought it would be nice to go, to show support to the community and to put my feelings aside and move forward. I tried to hold on to that thought because it made me feel good, I could not! When the time came, only my daughter, who this year is a junior, went, she had to go to represent the Literature Club who was having a fund raiser. She left before the game. Am I a bad person? I don't think I am bad, however during these situations, I start second guessing myself and I get lost, not knowing where I am or who I am anymore...