How do you deal with people who push your buttons during the Holidays!

It is that time of the year... the Winter Holidays are here. Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa and the New Year are celebrated. Happy Holidays to all... or so I thought I'd keep my mind set, regardless of what kind of misgivings I might have toward certain people who have crossed roads with me. During this time of the year, I think it proper and Christian and cleansing to, at least try, believe a possibility that things can improve, change; people can turn a new leaf and perhaps redeem themselves and engage in new ways of living! I am so naive, well in this solitary instance, I believe I am... I always want to believe, and I even pray for it, the great chance of things turning a great way!
My stepdaughter who took my husband to court to have child support continued although she is 20, never tried to establish a relationship with my husband, my children (her half siblings and stepbrother) and me. She has made decisions never once consulting with her dad... decisions that required finances back ups! Her reasoning being that she is an adult now, and she should be able to decide on her own what she wants to do... fine! I love that idea and I applaud her for wanting to be independent... but how come my family has to pay for her "Independence"? To top it off, since she is not a Christian anymore, she converted to Muslim a couple of years ago, her very hypocritical self will be serving food at a shelter and eat with the poor! Is that supposed to make me proud and happy for her? I am poor and I do not have money, her father is the only one that works in our family, I have two young children (minors) who need my husband and my assistance more than my stepdaughter does, however she does not have a problem taking from us, with force (through the NJ Courts) and then she actually says that she wants to help the poor... ok!
Another one of her epic actions? Her mom is having problems with money, she has been unemployed for quite a while, she has not paid child support or financially supported this girl for a very long time... even left this child at her parents before my stepdaughter reached the age of 18 or finished HS so that she could move in with her boyfriend. From my own stepdaughter's mouth: "My mother has not provided for me in a long time... it has always been my nanny. My mother has spent the child support money on personal items such as paying for her car payments, buying games, dvds, tvs and personal entertainment!" Uhm, how come is it then that she only brought my husband to court and how come is it that she is so concerned that she will give her mother gift cards for Christmas so that she may buy food... Really!
I do not consider myself to be a vengeful or vendictive person. I think of myself as a tolerant, flexible, considerate, generous and at times very forgiving person... however where my stepdaughter is concerned... reading and hearing what her projects and thoughts are, make me very angry and unforgiving.
Please, if nothing else, this holiday season I would love so very much to have a few infusions of "Believe", "Hope", "Forgiveness" injected in me.
Happy Holidays to all!

Whose turn is it, anyway?

Do you experience a little arguement, every now and then, over the use of the "Remote Control"?
I do not consider myself a couch potato, I do not spend days on end watching TV, unless I am bound in bed due to my back problems... Often enough, I multi task while watching TV; I may be working on my laptop, paying bills, cleaning the house, doing craft. I guess, I like to use TV like some people may use the radio, to keep me company, especially when I am home during the day and everyone is either at school or at work. I had found that I cannot just sit and watch, I have to do something... Very seldom I go to the Movies, whenever I go, I enjoy the experience!
Some members of my family are more attached to the TV and/or the remote control, mainly "My Main Man", my husband... I guess it is due to him, out all day working outdoors, he comes home and all he wants to do is watch what he wants to watch! Don't you dare touch that remote... :)
I do not mind that my husband monopolizes the use of the remote control, it is the way he uses it... Come on, hurry it up already... one channel at a time, reading every line of the Comcast TV Guide... please, somebody shoot me! :) I know, I know, patience! :)
Is there a chain of command for the remote control? Is there a schedule? Do we need one?
Are we just silly people who need to grow up and learn to share.

So, in your family, whose turn is it?

New month... new rant... sort of!

It has been a while. Once my kids got back to school and the family was back to the same old routine, it seemed as there were not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish what I had set up in my agenda which was quite a lot. With the re-opening of the schools, it is not just the school, for me it's also the CCD (religious education) in my parrish, Girl Scouting and its first fundraising of the year, my regular monthly meetings at the Sons of Italy Lodge and all the other little episodic volunteer events that I do.
One might ask, if it is so much why do I do it? Why spreading myself too thin? True, it is a very legitimate question that I ask myself at times... Well, truthfully, giving my time and doing things, although I should limit myself at times, makes me very happy and gives me so much reward, the mental and psycological reward. It helps me to continue to grow emotionally and to keep on learning about culture, diversity, religion, tolerance, endurance, perseverance. It has been teaching how to learn more about myself...
When I used to work as a baker, I loved my job, I used to think how lucky I was to be doing something I enjoyed and getting paid for it. Eleven years ago, when I had to retire due to severe back problems and I was declared disabled by the state, I fell into a deep depression stage. The first few months, I was in so much pain that I could leave my bed only for visits to the bathroom, looking at the bedroom walls constantly did not help; I tried to cut the monotony watching some tv, reading books, doing some needle craft such as plastic canvas and I even joined some chatrooms on the internet... I guess I would raise the bar constantly, so after a while even a new thing was not new and exciting anymore, most of all it was not fulfilling and "rewarding". I am so proud of myself for having raised my limitation bar higher each time I reached the level, by doing so I was able to improve my health. I feel stronger spiritually and somewhat physically. Sadly I will never be able to go back to work, however I can live a life beneficial to me and to the people in my community because of the volunteer work I do (as long as I do not over do it). I suffer of terrible migraines, they are associated to my back problems and to the weather as well, when that happens, I have to think of it as a "Temporarily Out of Order" kind of thing, it is not the end of the world, things are going to get better and I will too, and I do, it always happens that way, it just has to take its course. So, I am starting the month of October not in the best way, and I am not able to follow the agenda I had set-up for myself... just temporarily out of order!
Till next time!

2011 Back-to-school ... starting late!

So, this September, my kids will be starting another school year, my two younger ones: a girl 16 (she will be 17 in October) and a boy 15, respectively a junior and a sophomore. Ugh! Where has the time gone? My little babies are growing up so fast... and my bigger one, currently 24 (will be 25 in October) lives in his own apartment that he purchased three years ago, he works and pays his bills and finds the time to spend at least one day a week with his family! I am so happy... but I digress! As I was saying about my younger kids going back to school, this year they are starting very late, their first date is tomorrow, Wednesday, 9/14/2011. Of course, there was a bit of happiness on their side that their summer vacation was extended, there is some fear as well that the end of school might be very late as well, like the end of June. That would be very catastrophic for them, to start the summer hiatus so late... :) There has been construction going on at their High School since last June and the weather we have had the end of August delayed the progression of the work, so the back to school date had to be delayed!
To offset the bit of doom that was hovering over our household, I though it would be great if I took each of my children, separately to clothes shopping and make a day out of it. It turned out so great! I was pleasantly surprised that for once, my son was not annoyed to go shopping; we had decided to stay within a budget and yet to try to be able to purchase the items he needed. He was the one the chose what he wanted, and I was a proud mom to see him check the size and the tag for the price before deciding to try the item. As you know, shopping can make you hungry and thirsty, so it was only right that we would go out to lunch, too, his choice, naturally! Pizza Hut! It was unbelievable to see how much taller than me, he is; but then again, everybody in my family is taller than me!
And then it was my daughter's turn to shop; her shopping was done in two days because we went in a couple of stores. There is always so much to choose and girls like to accessorize. She was so much fun to watch to shop... Just looking at her checking at the racks of clothes, getting a couples of clothing items off the rack, checking the tags for size and price, check for sale or discounts, making mental calculation.... It was so sweet.
I am impressed by the choices she made, they are casual, yet elegant. Conservative yet comfortable. Not flashy yet colorful. She was able to find a medium at such young age. I know I am bragging and gushing... I can't help it... in moment like these, which I may add, are not rare, I just get very emotional about it!
My kids and I had a very full summer, this year; I believe that we bonded even more, I feel, even closer than ever, to them, and tomorrow, their first back-to-school day... well, I will miss them very much and I will have to adjust to the school year as much as them.

Dealing with tragedy...

Emotions, confusion, anger, sadness, total loss of balance... These may be some of the feelings that some of us feel during and/or after a tragedy. Yesterday, Sunday, September 11th, 2011 was the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that happened to the Twin Towers in New York. Many of you spent the better part of Sunday watching documentaries or news in regard to the memorial of 9/11. I did not, I did not want to do that. I knew that I could not handle it. I said a short prayer asking for forgiveness for not openly showing my sadness to the memory of 9/11. I was on Facebook and I saw almost all of my friends changing their profile pic with one that was dedicated to 9/11 and their status reflected their perception of the day. It made me feel guilty that I did not do the same, but I just could not bring myself to just do it... What is wrong with me? Could it be that I am that kind of person that emotionally feels what she does, writes or says? I think so, I do not remember, ever doing or saying things that I did not feel or believe. I guess I am not a fake or a follower; however I feel that I did wrong yesterday! Another thing happened this weekend: in my community, at the High School Football team, 4 young boys, age 15 to 16, they were going to be junior and senior this year, died a couple of weeks ago. On a Saturday, after one of their last practice, following tradition, they got in their cars to drive to a Old Country Buffet for a Breakfast/Lunch celebration before playing their first game.
While driving, one of the car, an SUV that was carrying 8 kids, 4 of which were not wearing seat belt, flipped over, 4 kids died. The High School called all parents, offering grieving counselors to speak with students that needed to grieve. A fund was started by parents to help with funeral expenses now and in the future. As I am very sorry and very much saddened by what happened, I am displeased by the biased way the school is handling the situation.... The past winter, one student took her own life, it was very sad, especially being so close to the Holidays, but also because of the age of the student. The principal allowed students to go to the funeral, however the school did not allow kids to grieve openly about the suicide of this young girl. counselors were not allowed to talk about this tragedy... why? Now about 9 months later, a tragedy occurs, it is not a suicide, the boys are in the football team and everything is done... why this disparaging treatment?
I believe that all students should be treated equally, whether they belong to a sport team, band, cheerleaders, color guard, choir, play and any other club the school offers. So, on Friday the school was offering a BBQ tailgate party before the football game that was played at home. At first I thought it would be nice to go, to show support to the community and to put my feelings aside and move forward. I tried to hold on to that thought because it made me feel good, I could not! When the time came, only my daughter, who this year is a junior, went, she had to go to represent the Literature Club who was having a fund raiser. She left before the game. Am I a bad person? I don't think I am bad, however during these situations, I start second guessing myself and I get lost, not knowing where I am or who I am anymore...

Court and Birthday party!

What a day! How many of you have had to go to Court in the morning and then have to get into the festive mood to celebrate your kid's birthday? My youngest son was 15 years old, yesterday! One thing I have to say, a day that started so sad and gloomy and with rain, too, ended on a real great note with my son's birthday. The entire family gathered and celebrated; it was a lot of fun!
Why I had to go to Court? I will TRY to be brief about it. I have a step daughter (my husband's daughter from a previous marriage). This young adult, at the age of 20 is still seeking child support, she is going to school, she refuses to take a part-time job. She never has or does consult my husband in any decisions, whether it is picking a school, choosing a location where to live or getting engaged...
She was a freshman at AU in Washington DC, she transferred to Saint Peter in Jersey City, NJ as a Sophomore. She just started her Junior year at AU in Paris, France; she is engaged to a man about 10 to 12 years her senior. She says she is not living with him so that she may still receive child support. The Ocean County Courts allowed her to file pro se, free of charge, twice and yesterday, the State of New Jersey picked up the cost of the phone call conference that had to be made while we were in Court because she was in Paris. The judge calling her a nice young lady and not even trying to be understanding of parents in general... Sure, you parents out there... let us pay for our children's expenses till our children are 40 or 50. Let us handicap them and shall they never be able to become indipendent and self reliant. Especially children of divorce. The mother of this nice young lady? She is exempt from paying any child support. Why? Because she is unemployed... Perhaps my husband should become unemployed, too. However, we would not want that, we have 3 children that love us, unconditionally, two of them are still minor and have had to do without so many things because for the last two years their sister had to have her child support... She is too good for a $7.00 per hour job.
Please, God grant me the serenity to accept this situation, fully knowing that there is not one thing that can be done to change it.
To all of you that read this blog, this is not directed to any of you. Please, do not take this to offense. I need to rant to a situation that has been driving this family crazy, sad, frustrated. We are trying very hard not the let "HATE" come into it! Please, feel free to comment.