It has been a while. Once my kids got back to school and the family was back to the same old routine, it seemed as there were not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish what I had set up in my agenda which was quite a lot. With the re-opening of the schools, it is not just the school, for me it's also the CCD (religious education) in my parrish, Girl Scouting and its first fundraising of the year, my regular monthly meetings at the Sons of Italy Lodge and all the other little episodic volunteer events that I do.
One might ask, if it is so much why do I do it? Why spreading myself too thin? True, it is a very legitimate question that I ask myself at times... Well, truthfully, giving my time and doing things, although I should limit myself at times, makes me very happy and gives me so much reward, the mental and psycological reward. It helps me to continue to grow emotionally and to keep on learning about culture, diversity, religion, tolerance, endurance, perseverance. It has been teaching how to learn more about myself...
When I used to work as a baker, I loved my job, I used to think how lucky I was to be doing something I enjoyed and getting paid for it. Eleven years ago, when I had to retire due to severe back problems and I was declared disabled by the state, I fell into a deep depression stage. The first few months, I was in so much pain that I could leave my bed only for visits to the bathroom, looking at the bedroom walls constantly did not help; I tried to cut the monotony watching some tv, reading books, doing some needle craft such as plastic canvas and I even joined some chatrooms on the internet... I guess I would raise the bar constantly, so after a while even a new thing was not new and exciting anymore, most of all it was not fulfilling and "rewarding". I am so proud of myself for having raised my limitation bar higher each time I reached the level, by doing so I was able to improve my health. I feel stronger spiritually and somewhat physically. Sadly I will never be able to go back to work, however I can live a life beneficial to me and to the people in my community because of the volunteer work I do (as long as I do not over do it). I suffer of terrible migraines, they are associated to my back problems and to the weather as well, when that happens, I have to think of it as a "Temporarily Out of Order" kind of thing, it is not the end of the world, things are going to get better and I will too, and I do, it always happens that way, it just has to take its course. So, I am starting the month of October not in the best way, and I am not able to follow the agenda I had set-up for myself... just temporarily out of order!
Till next time!
